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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

The Blame Game

So I was up early this morning (5:30 a.m.), lying in bed, trying to sleep. My mind kinda wandered so I thought maybe I should write down my thoughts.
Having a miscarriage is like giving birth, except you don't have the joy of a new little person to ease the pain. Instead, you have the loss of that little person adding to the pain.
Now I promised Jef I wouldn't blame myself for the miscarriage. He's so sweet, he thought of a bunch of things I would say to beat myself up and told me right off the bat, "this is not your fault." So I promised him I wouldn't beat myself up, as I am apt to do when something goes wrong. While lying in bed, I thought, "you know, Eve was really stupid." See, since I can't blame myself, the next best thing is to pin it on someone else. :)
I got to thinking about Eve, and what the serpent must've said to her to entice her to eat that fruit. I mean, it is because Sin entered the world that things like miscarriages, still births and other terrible things happen.
Now there are different ways people see the whole "Fall of Man". There are two ways that are dominant in my life. The first, the one I grew up believing, was that Man thwarted God's plan. Because Adam & Eve ate the fruit, God had to provide a sacrifice, and ultimately give His own Son. This train of thought gives Mankind too much power, in my opinion. It leads one to think their actions can change what God does. It makes God look like a frantic mother chasing after a rambunctious child, cleaning up their messes. I don't like that view of God.
The second way is one I first learned in Bible college. It is that Man didn't thwart God's plan at all - God's plan was redemption all along. I've heard it said that we are different from the angels because we know God's redemptive power. Angels don't have the capacity to be redeemed. This view of God, where He isn't bound by mere mortals, and He has a plan, and is fulfilling it, seems better to me. I would rather put humankind into a box than God. I would rather believe that God wanted to redeem us even before Adam was formed, rather than believing Adam did something wrong and God had to scramble to fix things. I don't like seeing God as a scrambler.
All that to say -- God has a plan. He knows what He is doing. It is up to me to trust Him and rest in Him. I worry a lot. I should trust God. He never fails you. Even when you think, "things can get no worse than this (and then they do)", He is always there. You always have His comfort and His guidance.
I was reading The Voyage of the Dawn Treader last night. In it, the voyagers come upon an island where they can hear people but cannot see them. These invisible people need a little girl to say the chant and make them visible again. Lucy is of course chosen.
On the appointed day, she bravely goes upstairs, down a long hallway and into the very last room (on the left). Here she finds the magic book open on the table. Now the invisible people weren't able to tell her where the spell was in the book, so she had to begin at the beginning. Lucy comes across one spell which would turn her into the most beautiful woman ever. She really wants to say the spell, but Aslan's face appears and she turns the page. This being a magic book, you can't go back - once you've turned the page, that's it.
Finally Lucy finds the spell to "make things visible which are invisible". She says the words, then hears footsteps in the hall. Now the invisible people have told her of the magician who lives there. They portray him as someone horrible and evil. So Lucy is a little frightened when she turns around. It isn't the magician she sees, though.
With a squeal of delight she discovers Aslan is there! She says, "I didn't know you would come to visit. When did you get here?"
"I've been here the whole time, Child." he replies. "You said the spell and turned me visible."
I just thought that was neat because the same is true of God. Even when we don't realize it, He is with us - watching us, guiding us, keeping us from harm, He is here.

It's 7:15 now, so I'm going to go lay on the couch. Thanks for reading!


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