SERENITY NOW! (as George's father on "Seinfeld" yells)

This was a funny e-mail I received from my dad. It made me chuckle. I like the first & fifth suggestions best. :)

WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF SANITY

• At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
• Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
• Put your garbage can on your desk and label It "In".
• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
• On the memo line of all your checks, write "For smuggling diamonds".
• Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
• Don't use any punctuation.
• As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
• Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.
• Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
• Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
• When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!, I won!"
• When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
• Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."