Learning Joy

Politicians, morticians, Philistines, homophobes
Skinheads, Dead heads, tax evaders, street kids
Alcoholics, workaholics, wise guys, dim wits
Blue collars, white collars, war mongers, peace nicks

Chorus:
Breathe deep
Breathe deep the Breath of God
Breathe deep
Breathe deep the Breath of God

Suicidals, rock idols, shut-ins, drop outs
Friendless, homeless, penniless and depressed
Presidents, residents, foreigners and aliens
Dissidents, feminists, xenophobes and chauvinists

(Chorus)

Evolutionists, creationists, perverts, slum lords
Dead-beats, athletes, Protestants and Catholics
Housewives, neophytes, pro-choice, pro-life
Misogynists, monogamists, philanthropists, blacks and whites

(chorus)

Police, obese, lawyers, and government
Sex offenders, tax collectors, war vets, rejects
Atheists, Scientists, racists, sadists
Photographers, biographers, artists, pornographers

(chorus & bridge)

Gays and lesbians, demagogues and thespians
The disabled, preachers, doctors and teachers
Meat eaters, wife beaters, judges and juries
Long hair, no hair, everybody everywhere!

Jeff is gone to Hanford, and the boys and I are alone. Sometimes it is easier to forget things with Jeff around. However, I have recently felt a need to examine where I am since we lost the baby.
My feelings have been much different this time around. Last time, I was hurt to the core, but I was restful – I could feel God with me. Every day, it seemed, He reassured me of His love – His presence seemed almost tangible.
This time, though, I felt betrayed. Maybe I was holding on to the wrong things last time, and just convinced myself they were God. I was so sure that He was going to let the baby live. I had thought about the alternative – about how I had told Him that I could not go through losing another baby – but it always seemed like He was inspiring me to trust in Him, to trust that the baby would live. I read verses (that I can’t find now) that said He would be our Victor.
So now I feel bereft. Lost. I want to worship Him, but I can’t bring myself to. I’m angry that He didn’t see fit to allow the baby to live. Now there is no hope – I’m “fixed” as it were. Okay, that is not the right terminology – it’s because I am broken that we lost the babies … and now I’ve made it so we can’t have anymore. We heard in church on Sunday that we were to worship all the time – Pastor asked if we were afraid to worship. At first I thought that wasn’t it at all, but I think now it might be. I am afraid to be vulnerable with God again. All because He didn’t meet my expectations.
Honestly, I don’t know how women do it. There are women in our church who’ve lost babies and they continue on. Family & friends who’ve lost babies have written to console me. I hear about women on TV and friends of friends who’ve all gone through this. They are really neat, and loving and their families are fine. So I guess I have to be like that. Even though I want to hide myself away and pout until I get my baby back.
Which means I need to turn to God, because I cannot do this on my own. I’m trying – I’ve been trying, but I feel dry & empty.
Anyways, so today I was listening to music on the computer and I heard a Steven Curtis Chapman song (11-6-64). I went looking for the lyrics of it, because 11-6 is Nicholas’ birthday and ran across his website. That made me remember he’d just lost his little girl. She was 6, I think. The pain they feel must be huge. Mr. Chapman said in a video blog that he is “on his way back”. They have found comfort in God. How is this? Last time, I felt comforted and loved, but now I think it was because I was thinking, “It’s okay, we’ll get pregnant later and everything will be okay.”. Well I got pregnant later and now we have another loss to mourn!
So in my meanderings on the web I ran across this blog for one of the Chapmans’ friends – Kerry Hasenbalg. She also lost a baby recently. She talked about how God revealed Himself to her as she stepped out into the “normal” world again. It was a good read.
Maybe I can trust Him again, I don’t know. I guess the healing/growing/returning to “normal” just takes more time sometimes.

Currently listening to- SHEdaisy’s “Now” and Alvin & the Chipmunks “Bad Day“.

So this morning I woke up to the newsman telling me how far ahead Obama is in the polls. Then he tells me I should keep my radio tuned to his station on election day because the polls on the East coast close at four and they’ll have up-to-date info on how everyone over there voted.
LIKE I WANT TO KNOW!!
Sorry – call me crazy – but I don’t care how the East Coast votes! What good is it going to do me to know how they voted? That isn’t going to change how *I* vote.
So I yelled at the radio this morning. Thought you all should know. 😉
Remind your friends & get out and VOTE!!

Gas prices in Ohio have dropped below $2/gallon! Why isn’t this all over the news?! My friends told me OPEC was going to stop production to raise the price again. However, OPEC is only thinking about slowing it down. They haven’t done anything yet. Hopefully they won’t.

www.businessweek.com has this as a front-page story.

This article is great! Thanks, Jeff (who is my usual provider of great articles), for sending me the link!
The article is about women, sexism and Palin. I don’t think the woman who wrote it is conservative, but Palin has made it so women (at least) can cross party lines and support a better whole.
I especially liked these statements ~

“She is a very popular governor with an 80-percent approval rate. She was elected on her own merit without previous political ties. She is her own political creation, not the wife, daughter, sister or mistress of a politician.” (that’s what I said, sort of, in that post on Gloria Steinem.)

“Agreement on issues is not required, but Palin merits respect.”

Even if you don’t agree with her, you have to respect her for all she has achieved. She should garner some decency from people, but instead, it seems the worst is brought out in people. Is it because the left is so terrified of losing that they will stoop to anything, including going against ideas they have fought for in the past? Or is it because the people who attack Palin never really believed those ideas, they were just purporting them so they could get into power. It scares me how easily people have changed, how easy it is for people to call Palin names, to rape her with their words. I pray that God gives her strength, as going through this cannot be easy.
You know, we really should expect more of people. I read someones status on Facebook the other day. They said, “[I] think this political ‘war’ is madness. When will Americans treat each other with respect again?” This statement made me think of all the mudslinging that goes on. Politics tends to bring people down, when it should be elevating people’s minds. Why is it we are so focused on Palin’s gender when there are much bigger issues at hand? Issues like the Fairness Doctrine and a person’s record of voting, and whether or not raising taxes would be a good idea. We should be discussing the issues, looking at them from all sides to see where we stand. (We watched “Expelled” last night, and that made me think a lot. Science isn’t the only arena where freedom of inquiry is squashed.) See, I don’t think we all have to think the same, but we do need to be able to discuss our differing opinions without it becoming an ad hominem attack. I don’t necessarily agree with Mrs. Palin 100%, but I respect her and think she deserves to be heard, one way or the other. That’s freedom, and that’s what America is about!

My friend Desiree, who I’ve known as an online friend for five (?! it might be more!) years, gave me this blog award. Thanks, Dez! You’re so sweet!! We’ve been part of an online mommy group and I got to meet her last year, I think. She came out here and was gracious enough to stop by my house! 🙂 Meeting her, her husband and her girls was a lot of fun. I’m glad to know her – she always inspires me, being a Christian mom of five … and a homeschooler … and a Navy wife … she rocks (in my estimation).

Part of accepting the award is:
*displaying the award
*linking back to the person who gave it to you
*paying it forward & nominating 7 blogs
*adding links to those seven blogs
*leaving comments on their blog telling them you gave them an award
*enjoying the award!!

So let’s see … do I know 7 bloggers? I hope so!! I hope I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings if I leave them out either!!

And the awards go to (in no particular order):
* My dear friend April. April just started blogging. She is a kindred spirit who lives in Kentucky with her husband and two kids. Her husband is in the Army. April is a Christian mom who infuses all she does with a special joy for life. She’s very encouraging and thoughtful. We’ve never met in person, but one day we will!
* My dear friend Theresa. Theresa and I met online. Someday we’ll get to give each other hugs for real (I can’t wait!!). Theresa is a Christian mom of three. She recently withdrew her two boys from school and began homeschooling them. Theresa has a flair for living that always makes me laugh. That, and she knows where Ralph is …
* My dear friend Shannah. (you may not be able to see her blog, as it is by invitation only) Shannah and I met online also. Shannah amazes me. She’s always busy, but she finds time to encourage the little group of women in our online group. And she inspires me because she, like me, used to be a Messie and is now a Cleanie (well, at least a recovering Messie). I can only hope!
* My pastor – Greg Bullard. I’d give the award to his wife, but she doesn’t have a blog. Maybe it will be vicarious. OK … never mind … Pastor Greg is a great pastor. He’s old school. When we first went to the church, I filled out the visitor’s card (as I had at all the other churches we’d tried). Low and behold, that week we got a visit (with BROWNIES) from Pastor Greg. He took time to talk to us; he even visited Jeff’s mom in the hospital! Pastor Greg is honest, and there – for all our church people. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have time to blog a lot.
* My very best friend & husband – Jeff. Jeff is the best husband ever. I don’t know of any others who have done all he has to show his love and care for me. Is it too much to say I am besotted with him? Okay, I looked it up and that is definitely wrong – Merriam-Webster says besotted means “to make dull or stupid ; especially : to muddle with drunkenness”. Maybe enamored is better. OK, that works –
Enamored –
1 : to inflame with love —usually used in the passive with of
2 : to cause to feel a strong or excessive interest or fascination —usually used in the passive with of or with
Jeff has a blog, but he keeps it private.
* My OLDEST sister – Sharon. She’s my sister – what more is there to say?! Sharon is great – she’s a mom to two, with her oldest just entering college. Well, he was going to, I am not sure if he still is. Anyways, I’ve always looked up to her. She has always been there to talk to through all of life’s challenges.
* Last, but not least, my dear friend Brittany. Britt goes to our church and her family and my family have become good friends. Brittany is sweet and kind (usually) and loves photography and other creative venues. She’s fun to have around, as she’s game for lots of different things. 🙂 And she inspires me because she is a Christian who goes to public school. Sometimes it is hard to “do the right thing” when you are a teenager.

Hope you all enjoy your awards. I’m going to go to bed now. We’ve got a busy day tomorrow. Well, *I* have a busy day … AWANA conference. Michelle is picking me up at (!gasp!) 7:30a.m.

It’s a really fun game for my DS … which Jeff got me for our anniversary. He figured I was going to be in bed for a long while, so I should have something to do. It was a good idea. 🙂
I’ve been having fun playing the game and we just got it tonight.

Here are two good articles addressing the fact that non-white Christians are torn over voting for Obama. Personally, I think everyone has to vote according to what they know is true – not based on the color of a person. Obama’s beliefs make it impossible for me to vote for him. I know I have concentrated on one issue (abortion) a lot, but his beliefs and ideas about money and government all scare me, too. He’s is much more left than I am can handle. He leans much more socialist than I’d like.
The other day I compared Obama coming into power with Hilter’s rise to power … I wasn’t trying to be mean, I was thinking of the freedoms people had and how so many were sucked in by Hilter’s charisma and speeches. Just after I said that, Jeff read me an article (or a response) by a woman who was in Cuba when the revolution took place and after. She saw her father taken away to serve in the Army, she saw how the rich people lost their money, but it was now the rulers – those who were supposed to redistribute the wealth – who drove the fancy cars and ate at restaurants just for them & foreigners.
I’ll have to post that article …